Get Sexy For Summer***

Ok, folks! We now have less than 3 months to get sexy for summer. Nobody wants to see your bits wobbling (unless they're your boobies, of course)! Three months (ish) is ample time to get into shape for the hottest season. Don't let this year be another one where you're hiding under layers of clothing and using "fear of sunburn" as an excuse. Summertime is SKIN time! Let it all out, baby. You don't need to look like Miranda Kerr, you just need to feel good about yourself. And the only way you'll feel good about yourself is if you LOOK FREAKIN' AMAZING! Here's how:

Stop shoveling food in your mouth.  Well, fatty, junky food, anyway.  Spring is abundant with fresh fruit that you could snack on instead of that Snickers bar.  It's just as easy to carry an apple in your handbag as it is to carry a packet of chips.  And why bother with making dinner every night?  Cut up a whole heap of vegies, toss it all together and keep it in the fridge until you're ready to eat it.  Just dress it in lemon juice or balsamic vinegar and a dash of olive oil and you've got yourself a quick, healthy meal.  Boring, yes.  But think of all the fun to be had when you're skinny!  Really, the key is to eat only when you're hungry (fruit, salad or a tiny portion of a meal) and stop when you're full.

Say goodbye to fuzz.  Winter is well and truly gone.  So too is your excuse as to why you didn't shave your legs.  Or wax your underarms.  And, uh... what is that poking out of your bikini bottoms?!  Summer is not the time to be lazy with de-fuzzing.  You need to get into the habit NOW of shaving your legs every few days (truly lazy girls like myself can let it slide for a week with creative outfits).  Underarms should be done every week or two, at the very least (epilators are da bomb diggity!)  And your bush should be trimmed weekly or ripped out every 4-6 weeks.  When your partner surprises you with a weekend getaway at a fancy resort with a pool as its main attraction, you don't want to be caught out, do you?  And ladies, please remember that you are a woman and that a moustache belongs on a man!

Have regular foot sex with your runners.  Yes.  You heard me.  Your runners need some loving.  Insert your feet into them and pound them onto the pavement as you walk/jog/run for half an hour a day.  Seriously, half an hour a day is all it takes to see results.  If you've got kids, do what I do and buckle them in the pram or strap them on your torso and bring them with you.  Think of it as resistance training or extra weights.  The more, the merrier.  Whatever you do, just make sure you kinda work up a sweat for half an hour every day.  Your fat will just melt away! (Assuming you're eating well)

Scrub-a-dub-dub.  Because exfoliation is the key to soft, glowing skin.  Every week or so (depending on how tolerant your skin is), you should be sloughing away the dead skin off your body.  You can use a washcloth, a sponge, a pouf or a body scrub.  Personally, I like body scrubs as I'm super lazy and can't be bothered cleaning washcloths and such.  You can make your own scrub using olive oil (or any oil your prefer, the best is coconut!) and raw sugar (or castor sugar for sensitive skin).  If you use tanning lotions, giving your skin a good scrub beforehand will give you the best results that will last longer.

Become a slapper.  Every time you get out of the shower, slap on some moisturiser and rub it in to keep your skin looking its best.  If you find this too cumbersome, pick a moisturiser that you absolutely love the scent of.  This will make you want to use it and it will be much more enjoyable rubbing that lotion all over your body every day.  And if you're really lazy and cannot be bothered at all, ask your lover to do it for you.  I'm sure they won't mind!

Keep your feet in check.  The warmer months are when our feet are on display the most.  If you're a true aussie like me, your feet are well acquainted to the good old flip flops.  But don't embarrass yourself with those nasty, crusty, dry, cracked, hard-as-rock heels.  Like your body, your feet should be getting a regular exfoliation too.  Pumice stones or foot files are great at getting rid of the thick, dry skin but without maintenance, it'll all go to waste.  You need to moisturise your feet daily- a light AHA lotion is great for daytime!  Night is when the magic really happens, though... but only if you do this: rub your feet after a long, hard day with a specific foot cream or even just some vaseline or oil.  Put on some cotton socks.  Sleep.  When you wake up, your feet will be oh so smooth!  But remember, you must keep it maintained with regular exfoliation and moisturising!

Harness your inner gymnast and try to do the splits.  Did you know that the more flexible your are, the longer you'll live?  Every single day, incorporate some stretching into your routine.  Watching TV?  Get on the floor and spread those legs, baby!  Anytime you find yourself doing something mundane, try to do some kind of stretch.  Best to follow a specific DVD, such as yoga or pilates.  But how does this get you sexy for summer?  Pfft.  I don't write for the sake of seeing my own words (or do I?!)  Stretching actually tones up your body...  It creates long, lean muscles and the best thing is that it makes sex a lot more fun!  Yeah, I bet that got you motivated to stretch!

Ok...  So do what I say and I you will be feeling great about yourself by the time summer actually gets here.  Less fat, more lean, not so hairy... You will be an absolute beach babe!  It's great not worrying about slipping into that bikini.  Just try to remember that when you're craving chocolate or too lazy to shave your legs!

*** I wrote this for myself.  It's quite superficial and some may find it offensive, but it's all fun and games.  It's written purely to try to get me off my somewhat fat bum and do something about my body, so that come summertime people will be stopping me on the streets and asking me if I'm Miranda Kerr... (We're all allowed to dream, ok?!)